Europe Is Funky and Full of Neat Shit

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Okay, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, since I’m in the throes of one of my depression spirals, and so, in an attempt to cheer up, I’ve decided to look back at my Euro-trip and reminisce on some of the highlights. And by highlights, I mean goofy stuff that sets my heart a flutter.

Big Baby Heads, Madrid, Spain: The train station in Madrid is the bomb and, apart from the Prado Museum, maybe the most awesome thing there. First, there’s a huge turtle rain forest inside the train station itself. And secondly, once you exit, you’ll encounter two enormous baby heads randomly placed outside. I like randomness, and hence the train station in Madrid is easily my favorite train station in the world.

 

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Manneken Pis, Brussels, Belgium: For reasons I’m too lazy to research, Brussels is all about statues of things urinating. There’s apparently a squatting girl, a dog lifting its leg, and the most famous one of all – the “manneken pis” – which is a boy taking a tinkle. It’s one of their big tourist attractions and I spent about an hour and a half trying to find the thing. Each day it’s dressed in a different outfit; the day I was there, it had hip-hop clothes on and there was a real boy breakdancing on cardboard in front of it. Now that’s what I call culture!

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Opera Toilet, Vienna, Austria: Vienna is famous for its opera houses…so famous, that they have the charming “Opera Toilet” located in the subway station near the State Opera. For a Euro (I think, I could have the price wrong), you can go into a fancy cubicle constructed to look like an opera balcony seat and do your business, enjoying opera music as you relieve yourself. I did it, and it was a classy experience. I even washed my hands afterwards.

 

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Jack the Ripper Walk, London, England: Nothing says fun times like taking a stroll around London, stopping everywhere Jack the Ripper cut up a hooker. That’s exactly what you do during a Ripper Walk. It was actually really interesting and informative. I kept expecting something crazy to happen, like someone to jump out of the bushes and attack us, but sadly all the violence was contained to the stories the tour guide told. Despite the lack of real action, I recommend taking the tour; it definitely makes you want to live back then, in a time where getting away with crime was far easier.

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Disturbing Puppet Shops, Venice, Italy: Having seen Don’t Look Now more than once, I knew Venice would be creepy. And it sure is. One of the more delightful things to do is to walk around at night and peek into the weird mask and puppet stores that are everywhere. These gift shops are seriously horrifying. Don’t believe me? Take a look a Pinocchio and his terrifying rabbit friend!

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Obama Bar, Barcelona, Spain: Nothing brings out my American patriotism like a live music venue named after the president himself, Barack Obama. Inside, you’ll find cover bands and extra strong San Miguel beer. You’ll also find lots of African stuff. So what does it have to do with Obama? I’m not sure. There is, though, a life sized Obama chilling out at one of the tables. So when you get drunk (off that extra strong San Miguel) (which the Spanish seem to claim as their own despite my understanding that San Miguel comes from the Philippines), you can go up to Obama and hang out. In closing, here I am with the president, the beer going to my head, believing that it would be funny to put a hoodie on him and stick a cigarette in his mouth.

I’m so sorry, Mr. President. No disrespect, O Dog. Anyways, on that note, Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Cheers!

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12 thoughts on “Europe Is Funky and Full of Neat Shit

  1. You are not the only one feeling down Bill. I know how you feel. I’ve been there and still am…haha… I like the Manneken Pis and of course, the last one with that pic of yours hehe…looking good even under the spell of san miguel beer.

    • Hahaha – thanks Jepiner. I don’t know about that pic of me though…you can see my watch floating around my wrist like a bug in a glass of brandy going around and around. But anyways, I won’t be one to throw a compliment back like a tiny fish. Appreciate it always, wonderful!

  2. Hey-a blog stranger. Why you down? I’ve been MIA in blog world for a while so I’m outta your blog loop. So, here I was, reading along and enjoying Europe as Blogger Bill sees it, wondering if there may be a connection between hand washing bathroom hygiene and bathroom ambiance, when Jack the Ripper pops into my reading space. I was like, WHOA! Then creepy puppets, not quite as disturbing as ol’ Jacko. I wish you had flipped those, for a much better segway. Can you offer any enlightenment on Obama and British Africa??

    • Yo girl! First, down cause life isn’t as easy as I’d like it to be. Secondly, you’re right – should’ve gone puppets first. Build up. Thirdly, no, I have no idea what the connection is between Obama and British Africa. So there are some terrible answers to those excellent points. Keep on keeping on, Karin!

  3. Maloe Sniekers

    Hi!

    My name is Maloe Sniekers and I am a PhD student at the Erasmus University Rotterdam, the Netherlands. I am doing research on crime tours in Europe. I read your short review about the Jack the Ripper tour and was impressed by it! Therefore, I would love to interview you via telephone about your tour participation and experience. It would benefit my research tremendously!

    All the best,

    Maloe Sniekers

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