White Guys: I Hate Them

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Any time a person intellectually analyzes his or her viewpoint on something, it’s important to consider how that opinion would change if he or she was on the other side of the fence. For instance, I support taxing the hell out of the rich (in fact, I support basically just taking all of their money). What if I was rich? Wouldn’t that change my stance? Maybe then I would support tax cuts for the wealthy and making up the difference by crushing the middle class, or, as it’s sometimes called, “the way things are.” Likewise, I personally don’t support The Patriot Act. But what if I was on the other side of the fence, and I was a federal agent with lots of time on my hands and I had a genuine interest in good, juicy gossip? Then I would probably love The Patriot Act. It would be like having an endless supply of melodrama right at your fingertips. Who needs VH1 reality TV shows when you can listen in on real conversations people are having? Now that’s entertainment! Oh, and it helps fight terrorism too.

Lately, I’ve been trying to decide how exactly I feel about white guys. Do I like them or not? What’s my stance? In large part, this has been brought on by the negative attention white guys have been getting in the Korean media. Last month, MBC ran a story about interracial dating in which white guys were portrayed as being sex crazed, AIDS ridden, selfish children out to sap Korean women out of their money and their dignity. More recently, a Korean newspaper called ‘Nocut News’ ran two stories about white guys and their continued efforts to bed helpless Asian women. One story uses the phrase ‘white hunters’ to describe foreign men who try to pick up Korean women at clubs. The other story is about websites white guys have made that offer tips on picking up K girls, who are obviously the victims here and not at all capable choosing on their own volition to go out with a white guy/con artist (note: this sentence contained sarcasm). It is clear the Korean media hates white guys, and for good reason. How, though, do I feel about them?

Of course, this is a difficult question for me, as I am a white guy myself. It would be easy for me to stand firmly with my brethren and deride the media attacks as xenophobic, offensive, and ignorant. That would likely have been my stance several months ago. However, things are a lot different now. Despite what my skin pigmentation urges me to believe, I find my viewpoint shifting to the other side of the fence, and it’s all because I have a Korean girlfriend.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I should be more offended by the news reports, as I am clearly a sensitive soul looking for love and not by any means a ‘white hunter.’ (On a side note, I would urge Nocut News to create a better phrase, as ‘white hunter’ sounds like somebody running around killing white people {which I support}). Yes, I guess I should feel angry at being lumped in with the stereotype. There’s a bigger problem, though, and it dwarves these media stories in the same way current Kirstie Alley dwarves Cheers Kirstie Alley. And the problem is that white guys keep hittin’ on my girlfriend, man, and it’s not cool!

I wish there was some sort of white guy repellent, some version of “OFF” that I can spray on my girlfriend to keep the white guys away from her. Unfortunately, the fact is that nothing can stop a white man. Sure, she’ll tell them that she has a boyfriend, but that phrase doesn’t seem to register. Put a ring on her? It won’t matter – white guys see that as a challenge. Impregnate her? It’ll bring out their kinky side. The white man takes what he wants. Look at how he did the Native Americans. He stole their land and then humiliated them with a bunch of ridiculous sports mascots.

I can see the white man doing the same thing to me. In a few years, there could be a new baseball team called the Cleveland Pregnant Korean Girlfriends.

Those bastards.

Seriously, though, it does make me angry. This past weekend, a white guy approached my girlfriend at the bus station and told her that if she helped him find his hotel, he’d buy her a drink. What a deal. Who could say no? On my birthday, we got in a bit of a fight because some white guy kept sending my girlfriend text messages after midnight wanting her to meet up with him.

“He’s a friend,” she said.

“No,” I responded. “He’s a white guy. He does not understand friendly intentions.”

And that’s the thing: although they’re hyperbolic, to some degree, the Korean news reports are, well, kind of true. We are on the hunt for Korean girls. I’m settled now, but at one time, I suppose I was a ‘white hunter’ too…just an incompetent one. I remember talking to a girl in a bar. To try and create conversation, I asked her to teach me a curse word in Korean. She taught me some phrase and I repeated it.

“What does it mean?” I asked.

“It means, ‘I will cut your penis,” she said. I wondered if it was supposed to be a warning.

“I will cut your penis? I’m going to forget this phrase as quickly as possible.”

At the time, the phrase seemed nutso. I’ve changed my mind, though. Maybe I should make things come full circle by using that phrase on the white guys who hit on my girlfriend. If that phrase doesn’t scare them away, nothing will. I can picture myself shouting it at some white guy in the bar.

“What’s up, bro? You talkin’ to my woman? Say that shit now. I’m standing right here, what the fuck you sayin? Yeah, bitch, I’m talking to you!”

“You got a fuckin’ problem?” white guy says.

“Yeah I got a fuckin’ problem! Step up, motherfucker, and I will fuck you up! I will work you dog! I WILL CUT YOUR PENIS, WHITE MAN!”

“What?”

“Did I st-st-stutter, motherfucker!?! You heard me! I will cut your penis! I will wait for you to use the washroom, and then I will run up in that motherfucker with a piece of loose leaf motherfuckin’ paper and cut your penis! Don’t fuck with me! I got time, you gotta piss at some point, and I got a whole pack of motherfuckin’ paper, white boy! No high five for you!”

Life is hard. I guess the most important thing is that I trust my girlfriend and I know she’d never do anything. That’s part of what makes our relationship so strong. I trust her to fend off the white hunters. It’s vital. Without trust, I would be a nervous wreck all the time. Not just from white guys, either. From what I’m told, horny men come in a whole variety of other races, too.

*

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56 thoughts on “White Guys: I Hate Them

  1. Junbi

    This is exactly what annoys me about other white guys in asia. “Shes got a boyfriend? Whatever, dude, you got this. Youre white!” Of course, this is far from the only area you can witness their self-entitlement…

    On the other hand, sure, i guess were all white hunters (oh just watch this term enter mainstream shorthand) at some point, and is that so wrong? Its really just the same thing thats going on everywhere, all over the world, and the only thing affecting the nature of the participants is local demographics.

    Also, i would buy like a houseload of Cleveland Pregnant Korean Girlfriends merch.

    • Yeah, good point – this is pretty much the same as what goes on everywhere in the world. Somebody on a message board made a good point and said, “Hey, when the Koreans bring us to Korea, who do they expect us to date? Do they think we’re going to be celibate?” I thought that was a pretty valid argument. I’m in a country where 99.8% of the women are Korean, so odds are I’m going to end up with a Korean chick, right?

      Word up, Junbi! The Cleveland Pregnant Korean Girlfriends would beat the shit out of the White Sox, fyi.

    • Mike the Amerian

      Fun stuff to read bro. No offense please but you are exactly the type of guy the girls I hook up with have for serious boyfriends. To be honest, I am something of a bull and guys like you are just a little weak — please do not take this the wrong way. I’m sure you offer something good for women but when you write this sort of article, most of us alpha males can’t help but know you are weak in main areas — but most likely only in your head. You simply have an inferiority complex.

      Let’s be honest, what if you find out that your girlfriend hooked up with some white bull and she enjoyed it? Would it kill you? I don’t think it should — hell, it would have been her choice — unless she was raped, which is totally another story all together and definitely wouldn’t be her fault. She probably wouldn’t have done this unless she felt something was missing with you. So, you shouldn’t be mad at other guys, you should be mad at her.

      We men are all going to hit on women — it’s what we do. It can’t be helped. So, if she cheats, it was her fault. Trust me. I know because I hook up with lots of chicks who have guys like you for boyfriends. Lots of women will tell their weak boyfriends that they don’t care about d1ck size. I’ll tell it like it is… it’s true: some chicks don’t care but a lot do and that’s ok. These kind of chicks will cheat and that will be that.

      Most women who are younger than 30 will cheat some time in their life on their boyfriend (almost 100% do based on that age statistic). After 30, women tend to stick to who they’re with for the long haul. So, man chill out. I’m sure you have some good traits that your woman likes but don’t sweat it if guys hit on her. The more you get pissy about it like you are doing now, the better chance your girl will hook up with a bull like me who would love to get deep down and dirty with her. True story bro.

      • Cat

        “We men are all going to hit on women — it’s what we do. It can’t be helped. ”

        Wait, so, men don’t have self-control? Believe it or not, you can actually STOP hitting on women if they are CLEARLY uninterested. Sometimes, creepy sexual comments are unwarranted and rude. This may be a bit of a struggle for you, but don’t worry. You can do it!

        “Most women who are younger than 30 will cheat some time in their life on their boyfriend (almost 100% do based on that age statistic).”

        Please cite your source on this one.

        “The more you get pissy about it like you are doing now, the better chance your girl will hook up with a bull like me who would love to get deep down and dirty with her.”

        I really don’t see how any woman would be attracted to this. Basically, the moral I got from your comment was, “I’m a misogynist. I think that I respect women because I appreciate them for sex, but in the end, I’m a creeper and I don’t give a shit about women’s opinions and desires.”

    • Haha. No, man! Don’t teach me, seriously. I’m really afraid that I’m going to melt down and have a Michael Richards-style freak out in class one day. “50 years ago, you woulda been upside down with a fucking chopstick up your ass!” Having Korean swear words at my disposal would not be helpful. Teach me how to order a pizza or something.

  2. Although a post about a white guy hating white guys was enough to get me hooked, I particularly liked your last para. Horny men exist in all colors and in all regions. I can empathize with your girlfriend, which is why I am all for the second amendment. Prepare to get shot if you wanna act fresh!

    • Aparna, I’m sure you’ve had to suffer through many, many white guys hitting on you. I’m glad you’re arming yourself. True, the white guys don’t have weapons, but they are armed with smugness and arrogance. And if you shoot one, all you’re doing is depriving Eminem and Wes Anderson of one less fan. It’s really not a big loss. But you’re right – the other choices aren’t any better. It’s really just men that are the problem. We are powerless against the charms of the female species and, like a rabid dog, I suppose taking us out back and shooting us is the best solution.

  3. As a white guy, who’s also a guy, I suppose I should be offended or feel otherwise hurt. The reality is, Korea is one of those places where white guys are a minority. It makes one wonder what the degree of outrage would be if someone at the New York Times or the Denver Post wrote a story about horny devils of some other racial demographic.

    As you aptly pointed out, all men are horny, and are constantly trying to work on any angle which may work. I heard a stand-up comedian recently who said that the only reason any men anywhere had accomplished anything ever was in an effort to “get some”.

    • Lol – I think that comedian has a pretty strong point.

      Yeah, it’s tough to say what exactly these Korean media outlets think the reaction to their stories will be. I think the intention is to try and dissuade their women from dating white guys, but just in doing the stories, I think they’re perpetrating the same over-dominant attitude that’s making the Korean women curious about pursuing interracial relationships in the first place. It seems counter productive. On one hand, they’re slurring our kind, 1 Point; on the other hand, they could be increasing our dating prospects. Not that it particularly helps either of us at the moment…

      • I know women who are mesmerized by any guy with an accent, especially British, Irish and Australian. I’ve often wondered if my American accent would hold similar sway over women in those countries, but I guess I’ll never find out, since international travel without my wife keeping me company is highly unlikely. Like most wives, she takes a dim view of my testing the dating waters….sigh…

      • Yeah, what’s up with wives? Why are they so anti-dating? Ridiculous. Asia is a solid place for a white American guy to end up. They like Americans in Korea, and in other countries like Thailand and the Philippines, they are women who will marry any loser if the promise of a better life is there. I feel being a white American guy would be much, much less valuable in, say, Europe. Where there are authentically ‘white’ people.

  4. take it as a compliment when someone tries to take your girl away because as you said no matter what they do she’ll still choose you doesn’t that proves you’re the best hunter afterall (kidding) :P

    • I don’t want to be a hunter! How are you Isabella? You have a white boyfriend, right? He knows how it is. He must spend at least two-three hours a night fending off people trying to serenade your window while you sleep. : )

      • i’m good and yes, he’s white. hahaha fending off people now that would be something to see. he knows his place in my life all too well sometimes i don’t know if i should be flattered or get mad. he likes glaring at people though not coz guys flirt with me or something it’s coz they look at me like i’m an alien, i’m too weird for normal people but maybe that’s why he loves me. (blushes)

      • Aww! Sweet. He’s defending his weirdo girlfriend. I’m glad you wrote ‘blushes,’ as I otherwise would not have known, since I can only see your ear.

  5. Is the loose-leaf paper chop something that is common practice for white guys defending their partners? I think you could be flattered that other guys are interested in your girlfriend, though I can also see how it can get old and boring too. We only need so many macho stallions in our lifetime, and hopefully as we get older they tend to fade.

    Sadly, some people don’t really grow out of this as easily, and for you, it’s great that your girlfriend has common sense (& good taste?) in spades.

    • Haha – I believe I will be the first to defend my woman with nothing but paper. It goes with my non-violent nature. Sort of.

      Yeah, after my last experience with a girl, where I basically tried to court someone who had sex with about 1/2 of South Korea, I admittedly have some pretty big trust issues. I’m thankful that my current girlfriend has been understanding during my moments of weakness. I am also thankful that she has not slept with about 1/2 of South Korea.

      • I’m glad to hear your current girlfriend is not the overly sharing type. Trust is a tricky one as you also have to trust yourself in your choices. Sounds like things are working out for you now, which is great.
        The paper can just lay low. Maybe you can use it to write letters.

      • You’re right. Paper is so dangerous, I need to confine it to activities where people can’t get hurt, like letter writing.

        Hope you’re having a great weekend, i Run i Breathe! : )

  6. judithsmarkworld

    I was laughing out loud reading this post. It seems that white guys in S. Korea are on top of the social pyramid. It is interesting to see the different reactions with dating white guys when you compare cultures….
    I am glad you and your gf trust each other. :-)

    • Hi Judith! Wait a second, you have a white guy boyfriend too, don’t you? Wow! Everybody has a white guy! This is scary. I would not go so far as to say white guys are at the top of the social pyramid, but I will say that there is a population of Asian women who are looking for something other than an Asian man, and that ends up equaling a white guy most of the time. That said, I think the majority of Korean women want Korean men, if for nothing else, for the fact that they speak the same language.

      That’s cool your parents are accepting. Give your white boyfriend a high five for me!

      • judithsmarkworld

        Thank you, I will pass the message! I am also glad my parents are accepting… they are kind of open to other cultures.
        But I have to ask, how did you get this type of information?

      • Well, Judith, as you might have heard, we white guys all know each other. And I think you and Jonathan make a wonderful couple!

        Kidding, kidding. No, you mentioned it once in a comment. I don’t remember what the context was. Obviously, it struck me as cool and thus I remembered it. Sorry if it felt like I was putting your personal stuff on blast. My b! : (

        Hope you’re having a cool weekend, Judith!

  7. Weirdly enough this reminded me of an article I read about women in business. It said that women who are CEOs (or any other top position) are in the minority and shouldn’t be in the “boys club”- as in relish the fact that they are the only woman and shoot down other women who try to climb the ladder and ‘steal’ their coveted spot.

    The article stated that opportunities will never get better unless women at the top help other women to move up and broaden the field so that the “boys club” doesn’t exist anymore and becomes just a “best of the best” club. I kind of feel the same way about being a foreigner in Korea. Hating on other foreigners will never increase how much you are accepted (or any other foreigner regardless of their color). It’s easy to fall into stereotypical traps when you only read bad news, but you have to remember that’s exactly what it is- a trap.

    As a woman I have met sleazeballs in a variety of ages and colors and somehow I still don’t hate men. I just hate sleazeballs and assholes and people who don’t think kittens are the cutest damn thing on Earth (except for maybe baby hedgehogs).

    • I totally disagree with you. Otters are the cutest things on Earth. Followed by most of the weasel family, and then puppies, and then kittens.

      It’s kind of interesting being a foreigner in Korea, isn’t it? You sort of try to rebel against the stereotypes (drinks a lot, doesn’t know Korean, out for Korean girls) but at some point you go, “Shit, I am the stereotype exactly, aren’t I?” It’s like that stereotype exists because that’s, um, just what sort of ends up happening. For the guys, at least, I think.

      Being a female foreigner in Korea must be extremely interesting. It’s a whole different trip, I would think, and I wouldn’t really know where to start describing that, as it’s not my trip. I have known female foreigners who have hated being here, and others who have really enjoyed it. All of them, I believe, were asked at some point if they were Russian. So at least they have that in common. : )

      • Damn it you are right. Baby otters are cute- they tie for first place with kittens.

        Men and women do have different experiences when they go abroad, but I don’t think that they are doing something 100% different from what they would be doing back home. For example, the single guys I know like to go out drinking and try to pick up girls. That’s what they do back home and that is what they’d do if they lived in Korea.

        On the other hand, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we went to Korea together. Because he isn’t single, he was never a bar regular and certainly didn’t hit on the local women. It bothers me that someone would see him and think “white hunter” because it doesn’t fit his personality at all. I have also met other foreign guys who totally do not fit this description and of course I have met guys who are definitely on the prowl.

        I am willing to bet that the guys hitting on your girlfriend are single (cheaters are another story). There might be different cultural or personal ways to go about it, but you know what- that’s what single guys do. They hit on ladies until they find what they are looking for or they get too old. Then again, Viagra fixed that problem huh?

      • Haha – Love it! I want to take Cialis sometime just as an experiment. It’s supposed to last an entire weekend, you know? That sounds nightmarish to me. Anyways, enough about that.

        Yes, I’m certain you’re right. People do what they do. It’s really interesting how Korea sort of tries to screen people, but in odd ways that don’t really say anything about the person. For instance, they ask on the paperwork some questions about taking anti-depressants and I’ve heard a person won’t be approved for a visa if he or she has taken medication. I don’t see how that’s helpful. Really, wouldn’t you want people on medication, as opposed to people who refuse to get diagnosed? Likewise, I know it’s difficult to get a visa if there’s anything at all on the criminal background check at all, and yet a lack of work experience apparently isn’t a problem. I don’t know. I guess if there’s a point to this rambling, it’s that Korea is more or less invited the ‘white hunters’ in by concentrating their recruiting efforts on young, inexperienced people who pass a few superficial personality tests. If that makes any sense. I’m just saying, I would rather hire a person taking Lexipro who has teaching experience or someone who has been in the workforce awhile but has, say, a DUI or something, over some 23 year old with a BA and no experience. Now, if the person is on Viagra, that’s a different story.

        I’m glad to hear your boyfriend wasn’t tempted by the fruit of an Asian. You’ve got a good man, there! : D

  8. Bwhahahaha. You got a whole pack of paper huh?! Where are you keeping it? This would be the perfect fight scene for that show you were talking about a while back! Oh the images! Oh the laughter!
    Anyway, is it wrong that every time you wrote ‘white hunter’ I kept picturing Steve Irwin mixed with a sort of Bond like character? It was wrong in all the right ways.

    I’m glad you’re settled now :D Somehow it makes you more funny. I didn’t think that was possible!

    • Now there’s a show. “The White Hunter.” It’s just a white guy going country to country trying to pick up non-white women. It would be totally misogynist and offensive, and thus I believe it has hit all over it.

      I will be settled for another month, and then life goes crazy. haha. It should be interesting. Always a pleasure hearing from you, Hope! Love ya!

  9. DK420

    Good article that for once that isn’t pushing white privilege or blaming Korean men. Even though the Korean media is wrong all I hear is racism and generalizations in return which solve nothing. Peace and good luck in Korea.

    • Hey, thanks for the comment. You’re right, and it’s tough not to fall into the reactive, attack-Korean-men-back mindset. Just calling out what most see as hypocrisy isn’t going to help any, because really that’s just saying both parties are doing less than noble things (which they are).

      Peace and good luck to you too, my friend!

  10. Woah there cowboy – paper cutting another guys penis? That’s a little wild and crazy!

    Stereo types exist for a reason. Sad but true.

    Also, OH! My virgin ears/eyes! That was quite the string of colourfully constructed f-bomb dominated sentences! How very… white guy of you.

    • Very true about stereotypes. I would like to state for the record that it is true that I can’t jump, can’t dance, and enjoy Billy Joel very, very much. And I like it when you call me ‘cowboy.’

      Oh yes, I feel that my blog could use a lot more swearing. haha. You’re right, there are more f-bombs in this post than all my other ones combined. Just sort of the mood I’ve been in, Karin, you awesome motherfucker, you.

      Peace girl!

    • Yes, as it is his penis we’re talking about, the possessive is essential. Now, if the penis possessed something, are you of the school that says I have to add an s after the apostrophe, or can I just put the apostrophe? The penis’s home or The penis’ home? I suppose technically I would put the second s, but I don’t like the way that looks. What am I talking about? I’m going to take a shower.

  11. Hello!
    Long time no see :D
    Right, so from the title, I was laughing my head off. This was the first thing this morning that literally had me Lol’ing. No scratch that, Lmao’ing. I don’t know if I can add a valid point to compliment yours, for you see, I am neither male or white. But reading your article didn’t only put a smile on my face, but it also made me wonder a bit. So I leave this article amused and educated. Thank you good sir, good day and God bless xx

    • Hi Feli! Great to hear from you! Wait, you’re not male and not white? You’re perfect for me! Let’s get married!

      No, seriously, I am in a relationship. Stop it Feli, with your come ons. Haha. I don’t know what I’m talking about. In a good mood and just being silly. Thanks for all the nice things you said, made my day.

      Peaces!

  12. Ha ! As always, late for the party.

    Hmmm, white guys……I crushed on a white guy for 3 years, and the ones who had liked me were all whites, except one…. coincidence.. just coincidence.

  13. Yong

    You and all your white brothers who are chasing after korean girls are losers and you know that. Don’t come to our land and embarrass korean people like that! You guys are disgusting and dirty.!

    • Haha! Awesome. Just to let you know, I’ve been with the same Korean girl for over 9 months, things are going great, and we’re pretty happy. In a disgusting and dirty way, of course. : D

  14. Bella

    I saw a video on Youtube where a white American guy was talking about how to get a Japanese girl. He was saying to pick the darkest one out of the bunch to shock her and the others…to make her feel special. Then he said to say some stupid things in Japanese, etc. He made you guys look REALLY BAD. Soon, Asians will hate white people…and they will have all the money, too.

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    trouble. On the Early days in the Peak Downs Field from “The Peak Downs Telegraph”.

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