A Fat White Man and a Disapproving Credit Card are Killing My Love Life
So today, instead of writing another bloated 1,000+ word rambling bit of nonsense, I’m going to quickly update two situations I brought up in the past. Both involve the sad state of my love life, which is about as alive and kicking as Abraham Lincoln.
He’s really, really dead, in case you didn’t pick up on that joke.
Anyways, here’s the update on Samantha F. When I got to the Philippines, I suddenly decided that I just had to meet up with her. Not because I thought there would be a spark or anything, but instead (embarrassingly enough) because I thought meeting up would make for an interesting and humorous future blog. That’s right – I intended to serenade her with Open Arms for the enhancement of this website. So when I was in Cebu I snuck off to an Internet café and sent her a message, saying I’d like to meet up on Sunday if she’d give me a time and a place. She responded and seemed somewhat enthusiastic. There was no time or place, though, just a phone number. She wanted me to call her to make plans. This, my friends, is what we call ‘too much work.’ Long, dull story shot, I went back home without seeing her or her laundromat.
What happened next was kind of funny, though. A few days after I got back, our sweet Samantha F. posted some interesting pics on Facebook. There she was, looking like she normally did, but this time she was with a big fat old white guy. He kind of looked like a fatter version of Paul Giamatti, and he had a big goofy smile on his face. It was, in all honesty, a little disturbing. I guess she found the white man she was looking for…which basically means she found a white man. I’m sure he’s not a bad guy and will probably be good to her. So it’s a story with a happy ending…only with some unorthodox casting for Prince Charming.
Upon getting back, I also decided to make a go of Korean online dating. I tried this before, only to have my credit card frozen. That led to a humiliating phone call to HSBC’s Fraud Prevention Team. But that was my fault because I haven’t updated my billing address in about a decade and entered the wrong thing. It couldn’t happen again, right? I mean, I just had to enter the correct information and everything would be peachy. I’d be setting up dates like a regular cyber-Valentino.
Um, not so much. Although I successfully signed up on the dating website, I quickly got an email informing me that I had – yet again – been referred to the Fraud Prevention Team and that my credit card has been frozen. “Oh come on, man!” I thought. “I gotta call the Fraud Prevention Team again?!”
Yes, yes I do. Maybe they’re just super interested in what’s going on with me. They’re concerned. I figure I’ll call with no shame and mad confidence – “Yeah, I signed up for online dating. I’m flipping proud! Best thing I’ve ever done!” I could even give them some details…who knows, they might be able to help out. “Yeah, the other day I messaged Jellybean84 and haven’t heard back…I thought you guys could freeze her card and put in a good word for me when she calls.”
Sigh. I’m off to make the call of shame for the second time, and then get ready for work. It’s days like this when Carpe Diem does not apply. That’s right – some days just ain’t worth seizing.
*
I might’ve liked this post, but I must stress that it’s not because I like the situation you’re in! But does this mean you haven’t used your credit card at all over there? Or does the Fraud Prevention Team flag online dating? You’d think the credit card companies would encourage that stuff, because a person who is dating would be spending a helluva lot more on gifts and dinners.
Good point! Yeah, I very rarely use the credit card. Eh, hope I don’t sound too negative…I’m sick today and am dreading the special workshop at school followed by six straight classes.
Anyways, always a pleasure, Drew.
Well, I mean, at least your next interaction with the Fraud Prevention Team can make a post where your missed connection with Samantha left you one down.
Bright side, eh? Can it you bastard.
Hey, one of us has to be the optimist. If we ever make a buddy cop film about blogging, you’ll thank me for these clearly defined character roles.
Hmm. Well put. I’m very happy I get to be the bad cop. Please don’t shoot me in the end because you decide to finally stand up for your strong ethics.
I make no promises.
Two points:
#1–If it’s too much work to make a phone call, perhaps you’re not yet ready for a girlfriend. You’ll call fraud prevention, but not a girl?!?
#2–”Call of shame” just made me laugh until I cried. Sorry, but that was damn funny.
Chin up!
Good point. Maybe I need to find a girl who works for Fraud Prevention.
Thanks again Carol! I like your other comment too but I’m at work now and sneaking replies in and feel an actual reply is in order for the other comment at a later time. Wow, what a confusing sentence. Peace! : )
Girls are scary tho, to give him a liiiiiiittle credit ..
grins
I often say “Haha lol” but this time I literally laughed out loud. Funny stuff!
Awesome. These shout outs mean tons to me (or ‘tonnes’ if you’re Canadian).
Hey, just out of curiosity, you ever considered changing your name?
Your blog is hilariously depressing yet I keep reading it!
Good to know! Please keep reading it. I promise it will stay exactly this hilariously depressing.
Peace, Navi! Hope life is all sunshine. : D
My friend, that call of shame leads you to the ultimate glory..! ^-^
LOL! I don’t know what this means! But I like it – words of inspiration. Thanks Myth! Where’s that rant? Is that up yet???
Ahh.. My sense of humour.. But yaayyy atleast you get the essence of it. =D
Yes it it up . you can go check it out here.. http://youshotmedown.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/from-wanting-to-get-married-to-not-wanting-to/
Jellybean84′s profile would read:
Obsessed with French’s mustart
Prefers to call cockroaches “Boobie Beetles”
Lover of Kenny Rogers’ Chicken
Favorite song: “Open Arms”
Favorite movie: Martha Marcy May Marlene
Wow Cara…that’s a really funny summary of the last two months or so. Cracked me up. I like that I’m obsessed with mustard – that’s pretty cool.
Is that the correct order of the M names? I have no idea. I guess someone could put the M names in any order, maybe even change one up, and if you knew the movie to begin with, you’d know exactly what the person was talking about: “Have you seen May Marcy Martha Marybeth?” “Yes. Yes I have seen that particular motion picture.”
Good to hear from you, Cara! Love ya! (and your blog is seriously the bomb – you should be famous like Martha Stewart or something)
Just so you know, I had to rummage through your old posts. I promise I am not that creepy and hoard all that info
I actually copied the movie title from your post. I have no clue what the order is–in fact, I never heard of it prior to you spoiling the ending for me. Lame. Oh who am I kidding? I’m too bust watching your favorite, “Love Actually” on repeat
And thank you for the blog compliment. HAHA. Martha Stewart. You are blowing sunshine up my butt now. <–eeeew, terrible visual for an expression but makes me laugh every time.
P.S. Did I *really* spell mustard “mustart”???? Grammatical errors disgust me. Pardon me.
ME AGAIN! Just to clarify, JellyBean86 is your future online girlfriend, not you. This is what her profile will look like…and this is how you will know it’s love
Okay, I promise I am done with my 30 million comments…
Haha. These are all hilarious! I love ya, Cara…just like mustart.
There really is no JellyBean86 or whatever it is. But I like this idea…she’s like my online dream girl. My fantasy girl, who likes everything I do. haha
How many times have you actually seen Love, Actually? Actually.
I have never blown sunshine – I don’t even know who he is.
Bill, you are killing me! JellyBean is a fictional online profile. Come on, now! I thought we were a little more in sync than that. tisk tisk. ha!
I don’t even want to admit how many times I have seen “Love Actually.” Between that and “The Holiday” I would have to say around 30 times, probably. <–loser
I get it, girl! We’re on the same JellyBean wavelength. It’s not like “Fork and Beans” where like two months later I thought, “Oh! Pork and beans! Pork and beans! I didn’t catch it!”
I’m a little slow sometimes.
Hey, 30 isn’t that bad…unless the first time you saw it was in December.
I was wondering what was going to come of Samantha F. Oh well, if you can’t carpe the entire diem, try carpe-ing 15 minutes at a time.
It’s funny that you revolve so much of your life around having stuff to blog about. But look at how many almost-marvelous things have happened because of it! That was supposed to be encouraging, but I think I missed the mark…
No, you’re right. Having a blog definitely motivates me to be active and do things I might not otherwise do. I suppose that’s sad in a way, but I guess whatever gives you a kick in the butt to do things is, in the long run, healthy. And, when things go all wrong, at least I can tell myself that I’ve gotten a funny story out of it.
So, anyways, thanks for the encouragement. I’m still at work and it feels like I’ve been here forever! I need to seize so time off the clock!
Peace, Karin! : )
join the ‘today-sucks-and-i-can’t-wait-for-it-to-end’ club, i’m currently president. promise there won’t be a walk of shame once you decide to leave.
Can I be treasurer or something? That would make me walk with pride. And would you be annoyed if I decided not to leave at all, because that’s a distinct possibility.
why would i be annoyed??? it’s nice to have company for change. we’d sit and laugh at our bad days and if we can’t laugh we’ll just sit and watch the clouds or stars, whatever’s there. who knows the club might get popular and we’ll get new members on the coming days.
I wouldn’t let him be treasurer, the club accounts would get bloody frozen!!
Farce – Touche! But who really needs funds anyways?
Isabella – Let’s only allow others to join if they contribute large amounts of funds, okay?
@lifeinthefarcelane -whispers- i was thinking of making him the mascot but don’t tell him okay?
@bill you’re scaring the new members! but maybe you’re right, the club needs coffee cups and t-shirts…hmm…
Gee, in that case, I’m afraid I’d get in trouble for embezzlement. Not of money…of coffee cups. I really like coffee.
This club’s getting too complicated! Can we go back to it being just you and me hanging out on a roof!?!
i guess a two-person pack isn’t bad. we’ll split the coffee cups and hide on the roof.
hmpfh, I got kicked out of the club before I even joined?
$#@! Cliquey basterds…
*cries* (inconsolably, no less)
@lifeinthefarcelane -hugs- there, there we’ll create a new club and you’ll be president. i’ll give you one of my coffee cups so stop crying ‘kay?
Mm…….. ‘k!
(God I’m so easy – part of my charm, I like to think hahah)
Oh Bill…
Even reading the comments (which are often the funniest) I am at a loss of words. Maybe your new lotion will help bring you luck… Just maybe not with those of the “sane” variety or of that whom are ‘female’… But hey its something right?
I did in fact find moisturizer. That could be another update. And I don’t feel sick today. Everything’s coming up Bill!
Hmm – I think I’d have to pass on a crazy transvestite. I’m done with crazy.
Damn! So no Rocky Horror Picture show for you!?
A sweet transvestite from transsexual Korea sounds all wrong.
Well, Bill, I did warn you about Samantha !!
Oh, and welcome to the Lonely hearts’ Club… Ha ha ha. Or you can join my club… The Go Home Club. he he he
Hey, be patient ! ! Don’t force love …. c’mon !
Here’s to us…. CHEERS !
Hi Renx!
Yes, Samantha is prowling but we knew that all along. Strangely, I felt pretty happily single until I went to the Philippines, and then I suddenly felt really lonely when I came back. Maybe I just miss the Thai food and am trying to distract myself. Life in Korea seems really dull all of a sudden! : (
Anyways, that’s way too negative, as I’m in a good mood right now. Get down this weekend, Renx! Go hit the club or something!