A Fat White Man and a Disapproving Credit Card are Killing My Love Life
So today, instead of writing another bloated 1,000+ word rambling bit of nonsense, I’m going to quickly update two situations I brought up in the past. Both involve the sad state of my love life, which is about as alive and kicking as Abraham Lincoln.
He’s really, really dead, in case you didn’t pick up on that joke.
Anyways, here’s the update on Samantha F. When I got to the Philippines, I suddenly decided that I just had to meet up with her. Not because I thought there would be a spark or anything, but instead (embarrassingly enough) because I thought meeting up would make for an interesting and humorous future blog. That’s right – I intended to serenade her with Open Arms for the enhancement of this website. So when I was in Cebu I snuck off to an Internet café and sent her a message, saying I’d like to meet up on Sunday if she’d give me a time and a place. She responded and seemed somewhat enthusiastic. There was no time or place, though, just a phone number. She wanted me to call her to make plans. This, my friends, is what we call ‘too much work.’ Long, dull story shot, I went back home without seeing her or her laundromat.
What happened next was kind of funny, though. A few days after I got back, our sweet Samantha F. posted some interesting pics on Facebook. There she was, looking like she normally did, but this time she was with a big fat old white guy. He kind of looked like a fatter version of Paul Giamatti, and he had a big goofy smile on his face. It was, in all honesty, a little disturbing. I guess she found the white man she was looking for…which basically means she found a white man. I’m sure he’s not a bad guy and will probably be good to her. So it’s a story with a happy ending…only with some unorthodox casting for Prince Charming.
Upon getting back, I also decided to make a go of Korean online dating. I tried this before, only to have my credit card frozen. That led to a humiliating phone call to HSBC’s Fraud Prevention Team. But that was my fault because I haven’t updated my billing address in about a decade and entered the wrong thing. It couldn’t happen again, right? I mean, I just had to enter the correct information and everything would be peachy. I’d be setting up dates like a regular cyber-Valentino.
Um, not so much. Although I successfully signed up on the dating website, I quickly got an email informing me that I had – yet again – been referred to the Fraud Prevention Team and that my credit card has been frozen. “Oh come on, man!” I thought. “I gotta call the Fraud Prevention Team again?!”
Yes, yes I do. Maybe they’re just super interested in what’s going on with me. They’re concerned. I figure I’ll call with no shame and mad confidence – “Yeah, I signed up for online dating. I’m flipping proud! Best thing I’ve ever done!” I could even give them some details…who knows, they might be able to help out. “Yeah, the other day I messaged Jellybean84 and haven’t heard back…I thought you guys could freeze her card and put in a good word for me when she calls.”
Sigh. I’m off to make the call of shame for the second time, and then get ready for work. It’s days like this when Carpe Diem does not apply. That’s right – some days just ain’t worth seizing.