Broken Internet Report, Straight From the Masterbatorium
Ever since I moved to Seoul, I’ve been stealing my Internet from the good people at Samsung. There’s a Samsung building by me and their WiFi is about as available as Hipster Trish after four cocktails. The whole stolen Internet thing is working out great, but once in awhile it cuts out, as has been the case this weekend. Right now I’m sitting in the “Joy PC Cafe” across the street from me. I’m in a room with about one hundred Asian kids playing videogames. On the walls, there are sayings like “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction,” or “Love creates an us without destroying a me.” There are pictures of half-naked Korean girls here and there. I’ve been to the Joy PC Cafe before and was a little hesitant to go in, as I feared there was some seedy business going on. I asked Leah why it’s called a “joy” cafe and why there are pictures of girls in underwear. She said, “They have room with Kleenex for masterbation.” Oh, swell!
Well, due to my broken Internet, I’ve been unable to post my upcoming rant on how it’s embarrassing to be American (something to look forward to). Instead I’ll post this quickly and continue to look around and try to spot the masterbation room. Not because I want to use it, but because I want to see someone slink out of it in shame.
There’s nothing in the world as humiliating as being in the Joy PC Cafe masterbatorium and realizing, all too late, that they’re out of Kleenex.
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No, I seriously died laughing reading this! It’s wet and miserable here and I’m utterly exhausted from traveling all day – I read this piece of hilariousness and things look a little bit better :]
Haha – glad to hear. Masterbation humor is always good for brightening a person’s day. Thanks for the comment, Samantha! : )
I was going to ask about the down-load rate at this particular establishment – but I realized it was rather obvious – thanks for the light relief…
Yeah, I would hope the down load rate is pretty fast. Wouldn’t want anyone stuck in there for hours, waiting for their video to work. That could lead to a lawsuit – “Because of the slow down load rate in the PC cafe, your honor, my client had to go to the hospital with serious chaffing.”
Looking forward to your rant. The glorious walk of shame and the dirty but witty humor and giggles that it brings about! Just remember to wash your hands on the way out!
I was thinking about this – is it worse to go to a hooker or to the masterbation pc cafe? I think ethically it’s worse to go to the hooker, but, at the same time, I would somehow feel more humiliated if someone saw me leaving the masterbation pc cafe.
Well it depends if this masterbatorium is like the old school strip club gangsters ran where the window opens and you insert a coin- OR if it is porn alone. Anyway, sometimes its exciting for someone to know what you just did… BUT it is a PC cafe which means a lot of video game boys with their V-card. And,well… there’s nothing exciting about that unless your coming out of the room with a girl…. Preferably one that doesn’t look like a hooker. Otherwise the epic triumph of blowing their minds turns to an epic fail of ‘been there, done that, do you have a club membership?’
PS. I do know not every gamer is stuck with a vcard. But stilll…..
They have Rumi on the wall! How amazing!!!!
What’s Rumi???
Bahahaha picturing this cafe made my day
It’s a classy joint.
This was a hilarious read.
I hope they also don’t rent computers out in there…or better load up on the sanitizer!
Haha – thanks Rocket! I’ll make sure I wear rubber gloves next time I go there. : )
How disturbing is this? Asia is an odd place.
I think the strangest thing is the barbershop where they give the customers hand jobs. Whenever I see someone with a bad haircut, I look at him suspiciously.
My Internet is broken too, so I’m commenting using my phone’s 3G. Nice post! I live in Taiwan, and now I’m going to be looking more carefully at the internet cafes around here. Ha
Haha – I have a friend who teaches in Taiwan and he loves it! In fact, I almost came to Taiwan for New Years to visit, but the flight was a little too expensive. I hear nothing but good things, so you must be a happy lady, Emily. : )
So there’s really some seeding, I mean seedy business going on in Joy PC Cafe? Lol
Yeah, these people really need to get their own Internet at home.
Clearly the Joy Cafe is sexist. Girls don’t need tissues.
I’ll bring that up to management. Although I doubt they’ll listen…I hear the guy’s a wanker.
Um, yikes.
Oh, and please tell me you made up those sayings?
Nope…how could I make up words of wisdom like that? Strangely romantic for a place that caters to self-pleasure and Internet porn.
Anyounghasaeyo! Im also living in korea(originally from california) and i just wanna say how much i enjoy reading ur blog. I love ur writing and ur posts never fail to make me laugh. Its damn interesting to read about what other fellow waykookins are going through. Keep it up man.
Thanks a ton! Good to hear from a fellow waygook. Best wishes to you.