After Getting a New Computer, I Break It and Try to Use that as an Opportunity to Enhance My Love Life

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As I’ve mentioned before, I have a goofy little crush on the computer teacher at my school.  Her name is Jang or something, and she’s really tall and lanky and speaks absolutely no English.  A few months ago her hair was long, but then she decided to cut it short.  Initially, it seemed like a bad call, and my feelings for her sank significantly; in time, though, I was able to adjust and accept her hair for the person it is.  Sometimes she’ll say something to the kids in English, like “Sit down” or “Okay,” filling me with the false hope that she has been keeping her bilingualism hidden all this time.  Then I’ll say, “How are you?” to her, and the blank, slightly frantic look she gives me says she hasn’t been hiding anything at all.

The girls in Korea, on average, seem to have the about the same English language skills as Scooby Doo did.  That is to say, they can listen to and understand the language better than they can speak it, and, also, they talk about food a lot.  Conversations with Korean girls usually start off with great aspirations, only to bog down into this:

Her: Do you like Korean food?

Me: I like Korean food.

Her: Do you like kimbap?

Me: I like kimbap!  He-he-he-he.

Her: Do you like bulgogi?

Me: I like bulgogi!  Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

Or something like that.  Anyways, at least they speak some English, whereas my Korean language skills are the same as…well…as Scooby Doo’s were.  You ever hear Scooby speaking Korean?  No, and you won’t hear me speaking it either.  Although my students have succeeded in teaching me a few odd words, using the supplies in our classroom.  Not that it matters – conversations with Korean girls in bars typically don’t involve a set of flashcards.

On Monday, my school told me to move into a different classroom, for reasons I’m not sure of.  Seeing that the new room is bigger and better equipped, I can only guess that this was a positive thing.  They also purchased a new, large, flat screen monitor for the computer, and told me to incorporate the curriculum CD-Roms into my lessons.  While that was wonderful in theory, it was hell in practice.  I couldn’t get the speakers connected to the computer, I broke a mouse trying to hook it up, and numerous times I did something that caused the CD-Rom to crash.  It was like a Jerry Lewis movie in there, with everything I touched going haywire on me.  The high-water-mark of my computer ineptitude came at the end of the day, when it appeared that I accidently broke the computer itself.  The fancy new monitor showed nothing but blackness.  Surprisingly, my computer expertise – which amounted to turning the computer off and on over and over again – wasn’t fixing it.

“Holy God,” I sighed.  “Am I really this bad with computers?”  At home, the Norton Anti-Virus pop-up keeps telling me my computer is “at risk.”  I always assumed this meant its defenses against a virus were weak, but maybe Norton meant that my computer is at risk simply because I’m around it.

I stood up, not knowing what to do, and then it hit me: What better excuse could I have for going in and talking to the
computer teacher?  I mean, this was, after all, her area of expertise, wasn’t it?  I never really tried to go up to her before; I figured that since we didn’t speak the same language, getting anywhere with her would require me to rely on my looks, and that would be like Paris Hilton trying to get guys based on her smarts.  With the broken computer here to act as my excuse, I felt a sudden boost in confidence.  I wouldn’t be hitting on her.  I’d be asking her for help.

It’s important for me to point out that I did NOT purposely break the computer to have an excuse to talk to her.  That would be unprofessional.  As the poster child for professional workplace behavior, I merely used the accidental breaking of the computer as a means to try to score a date with my coworker.

“Computer, broken,” I said, and I took my hands and made a motion like I was snapping a pencil in two or breaking spaghetti.  She followed me into the classroom and, for the next five minutes, tried to fix it by connecting and disconnecting all the wires from the back.  In silence.  When that didn’t work, she stood up and faced me and I could see that my hopes had been ill-conceived.  She actually looked embarrassed, ashamed that she couldn’t fix it.  Then Jang (or whatever her name is) did something that made my heart sink – she called in backup.

At one point, there were four of us in there jiggling wires and pressing buttons.  Nothing worked.  Later, when everyone had given up and I was alone, I miraculously fixed it by turning the power strip off and on again.  I ran to Jang to tell her the news.  “Fixed!” I shouted enthusiastically, holding my arms up in the air to signify victory.  She kind of laughed a little bit and clapped.

In all seriousness, I’ll never try to make a move on Jang.  It’s just really fun having somebody at work to crush on a little bit.  If she wasn’t there, it would’ve been a putrid day with lots of computer mishaps.  But she was there, and it helped.  Knowing my luck with technology, I’ll probably ask her to fix the computer again.  And, maybe one day, she’ll ask me if I like kimbap.

*

33 thoughts on “After Getting a New Computer, I Break It and Try to Use that as an Opportunity to Enhance My Love Life

  1. Is this gonna end like Colin Firth and that Portuguese girl in Love, Actually (2002) did? Hihi.

    You guys are cute. Learn a few Korean words and ask her out already. ;) You’ll never know. :D

    • Another Love Actually reference!

      Nah, I’m too much of a talker. I need a gal I can kick endless nonsense with. And I have learned a few Korean words, thank you very much…I can say “grape” and “whale” now! : D

  2. Favorite part of this post: Her name is Jang or something.
    BAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh good lord, Bill, seriously? I will be your girl guru. Here’s your first lesson: Contrary to popular opinion, girls actually like it when you learn their names. Even if it is in a language foreign to yours. Learn it. You might find a connection there just by taking the time and effort to pronounce it correctly.

      • “Girls actually like it when you learn their names” – LOL!

        Hey, I’m improving…I just learned “Jang” last week…the first 3 months I called her “PC Room Teacher.” Wait, what’s your name again, Food Blogger? Oh…Cara…that’s right.

        Yes, I’m trying to learn all of my coworkers names because it’s embarrassing calling them by a description (like “boss” or “math teacher”) or by their made up English names. I feel I have my work cut out for me. Fingers crossed!

        Thanks for the girl advice, Cara! And thanks for piling on, Jishi!

  3. Holy heck this post was funny.

    Also I really like that duck (but then again I have a strange thing for water fowl).

    I once worked with a Korean guy who had mad skills in the looks department and who totally made my palms sweat every time we were together. But then one day I asked him if he was reading any good books and he told me he didn’t read.

    Crush. Over.

    • Oh come on, who wants a guy that reads? You should’ve been more worried about if he could accept your gross, sweaty palms. Seriously, though, I know what you’re saying. You would think someone would at least find not reading shameful. Saying that comfortably is scary.

      Yeah – the duck is awesome! I almost didn’t put it in because it doesn’t really connect with the story that well, but I couldn’t resist. Yay ducks!

  4. I found myself smiling from embarrassment (For you or me? I don’t know.) after reading this. What a light-hearted and goofy scenario?! It’s nice to here that even adults can still have crushes and moments as innocent as this.

    • Well, yes, I suppose technically I’m an adult, although I haven’t matured much past late adolescence. I think adults are embarrassed to say or think that they have ‘crushes,’ but why not? Getting moronic crushes on girls is one of my favorite hobbies. Glad to hear my silliness put a smile on your face, Renee. : )

    • Really, I just like to talk about Scooby Doo whenever I can…regardless of whether it’s on topic or not. A Korean version of Scooby Doo would be pretty awesome, though. And perhaps it would inspire me.

    • This was my favorite line: “maybe Norton meant that my computer is at risk simply because I’m around it.”

      Good luck with Jang! Though yeah, office romances aren’t always the best idea in the world, unless your office is a research station in Antarctica.

      • Yo Drew! The Norton line was my personal favorite. I would totally dig being in an office in Antarctica with some pretty lady…although it might take awhile to undress. Lots of layers I would imagine.

        Dude, that’s funny, cause I did the same thing – in regards to Scooby Doo! Alas, he apparently never did speak Korean. Even though it would ruin the joke, I was kind of hoping I would find something. : )

    • I’m a little blown away…did you date your professor to get better at Spanish? If so, well done. : D

      If not, I guess language acquisition was a perk. Secondly, though, are you really blind? If so, how do you read blogs?

      If not, I understand how you are able to read blogs and you do not have to explain anything.

  5. Awwwwww. *I am actually doing that after reading this post*
    Really cute post and funny too. =)
    Its interesting how you get to see the hidden innocence at display in moments like these.

  6. Statistics show that office romance, is 30% more ecstatic than others. Hey,I just wanted you to know that your crush is totally justified. Lets hope it becomes something more….fingers crossed eh?

    • Lol! Er, thanks for the bode of confidence? I guess? Haha – no no no I need a girl I can talk to. I like to talk. Although I suppose she could help me with future computer problems at home, so there’s a perk..

      • Well, I know that we girls like guys who have broken their arm, they look cute, cos we get to sign their casts. Or, perhaps, you would like to watch some animes and become a comical perv. I’ll root you on either way. Go up to Jang or something and ask her, wanna cosplay?

    • Since you asked, I will answer: It had one of those plugs where you have to line it up perfectly with the port in the back on the computer to plug it in. I, believe it or not, didn’t do that and broke off the big tooth in the middle, and so when I got it plugged in finally it didn’t work.

      Go figure! What am I, a technology genius??? How can I be expected to work these crazy machines!

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