The Silly Thoughts in my Head from 2:40-2:50 PM Last Thursday

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There are certain periods of time during my day-to-day life when I am not capable of doing anything whatsoever.  For instance, the first half hour after I wake up is a complete black hole of inactivity. So is any time I find myself waiting for someone.  I’ve encountered people in the past who are productive waiters, who read or run errands or do things I can’t begin to fathom on their Ipads.  I, on the other hand, just sit there and stare blankly at the spot where the person is eventually supposed to appear.  And when the person does finally show up, I’ll turn my head so it doesn’t look like I was sitting there waiting like a loser.

“Oh, you’re here.  That’s cool.  I didn’t notice right away ‘cause I was, you know, thinking about stuff.”

I’m also mostly useless during my 50 minute planning/prep time at school.  That’s not to say I don’t plan.  I do.  It’s just that I can’t do it in the designated planning time the school has put into my schedule.  In the past, I would kid myself and try to be productive.  Now I’ve accepted the reality, which is that no work will occur during prep time.  No, I’m going to blow it surfing the Internet instead, although I do at least spread books all over the table to create the illusion that I’m spending my time wisely.  If another teacher walks into the room, I’ll flip through pages with a scowl on my face so it looks like I’m deeply immersed in the curriculum.

Last Thursday, I had ten minutes before the start of my classes and I was dead set on wasting it.  Sometimes when I feel like amusing myself, I’ll go on YouTube and type odd things into the search bar like “monkey attack” or “falling down stairs.”  Usually this yields pure gold, and Thursday was no exception; I was able to find an outstanding clip from The Amazing Race of a woman getting hit in the face with a watermelon.  It really put a smile on my face.  I watched the watermelon-to-the-face clip three times and enjoyed it so much I decided I had to go on Facebook and share it.  I always like to share fun things on Facebook, because it’s important for me to bring joy to the 100 or so people I actually know and the 300 others I vaguely remember from high school or college.

But shortly after I posted it, I saw something that changed my mood entirely.  A few months ago, my non-exclusive-pseudo-relationship-from-hell ended when the girl I was spending time with decided that sleeping with one of my (now former) friends was more important to her than keeping things going with me.  The truth is that I really dug this girl, and although I believe I’ve gotten over her, I don’t know that I’ve gotten over the crappy experienceThe whole thing was a bit embarrassing and sent my confidence packing (and that fucker doesn’t pack lightly – he took my pride, my self-esteem, and apparently my ability to enjoy Facebook with him).  Having a person I cared about choose someone else over me was a tough pill to swallow.  I guess I should simply accept things for what they were.  I was liked but I wasn’t loved; I was tagged but I wasn’t it.

Instead of laughing at the woman getting hit in the face by a watermelon, I suddenly felt her pain.

Anyhow, thanks to Facebook’s newish feature in the upper right hand corner – which I like to lovingly call “the stalker box” – I got the pleasure of reading a conversation between the dude and one of our mutual friends.  They were discussing the connections between Alice in Wonderland and Persephone’s voyage through the underworld.  Really, they were discussing whether or not Persephone was a “sacred pilgrim,” and he said he didn’t think so, but he had to brush up on his Eleusinian myths.  I read it and sighed.  It was like that moment when you take your clothes out of the washer only to realize there were some Kleenex in your jeans pocket and everything is covered in torn bits of white tissue.

I felt defeated.

Of course the girl would want this guy.  Here he was, talking about Eleusinian myths, while I was watching watermelon-to-the-face for the fifth time.  I didn’t have a clue as to who Persephone was…maybe she was a member of En Vogue or something.  Sacred pilgrims?  I kept picturing Jesus on the Mayflower or eating corn with Indians.  How could I compete with this?  The world is full of men who are younger, better looking, smarter, and who don’t spend their time YouTubing clips of people getting fruit projected at their faces.

Right then, as I was thinking this, the PC Room teacher walked in.  I quickly minimized Facebook and turned my eyes towards whatever random page the curriculum was open to.  The PC Room teacher is gorgeous but doesn’t speak any English; we rarely, if ever, interact.  Using her broken English, she told me one of the students would be absent today.  While she talked, she blushed.  She apologized for her bad English and I apologized for not knowing any Korean.  We both kind of giggled and she left.

“What if she and I are completely in tune with each other,” I thought, “and we would get along famously, but we’ll never know that because we can’t speak the same language?”  I found that thought intriguing and stopped to think about it.  Then I decided it was a really rosy view on things; maybe PC Room teacher and I would hate each other if we could communicate.  I liked that she came in and tried to talk to me, though, and hoped more students would be absent in the future.

The bell rang because it was 2:50 and class time.  The kids came pouring in and I felt happy.  Class began, and we followed a lesson plan that I had made at some point in time when I wasn’t supposed to be planning.

*

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53 thoughts on “The Silly Thoughts in my Head from 2:40-2:50 PM Last Thursday

  1. Ugh, don’t you hate those kind of epiphanies? I hear ya, though, to use some She & Him lyrics, ” I was never, no I was never, no I was never enough, but I can try, I can try to toughen up. . .” I’m still working on the toughening up part. :-T On another note, all the Persephones and Eleusinian myths can’t induce the lighthearted chuckle that a good face fruit pummeling does. Sometimes we need a good dose of the ridiculous.

    • Yeah, I’m all about the ridiculous. I have to admit that I’m kind of out of it – I Googled She and Him and I’ve just now learned that Zooey Deschanel does music. I like her and will give her musical endeavor a try. I’ve liked her since All the Real Girls, which is a great movie.

      Thanks for keeping me better up to date, Lovely Shades! : )

      • I fear the name will confuse people with subject/object pronouns. I’ve listened to a few songs now – they’re pretty good. But in long run, bad for ESL learners.

  2. Loni.Found.Herself

    Hey, now. I don’t know you from Adam, and I obviously don’t know that dickwad and that dickwadette, but I am fairly confident that you’ve come out the winner, here. As someone whose first cassette was En Vogue’s “Born to Sing” (along with TLC’s “Ooooooooh on the TLC Tip”) I am of the mind that anyone who could reference that is really pretty cool.

    But I’ve been there. It’s hard. In the immortal words of Jay-Z, you gotta get that dirt off your shoulder. Easier said than done, I know.

    • Excellent! I didn’t have either En Vogue or TLC…pretty much stuck to gender lines when I was a teenager (although I did have a Queen Latifah CD, oddly enough). I remember being a little hot and bothered by the “Giving Him Something He Can Feel” video. Not sure why I chose to share that…

      Thanks for the encouragement! I’m on my planning time right now, so I might go to YouTube and watch some TLC or Jay-Z videos. Yes!

  3. It worked for the Colin Firth and the portugese girl in “Love Actually.” I mean, movies *are* just an extension to reality, right? RIGHT??!

    P.S. The girl that cheated on you sounds like a douche. Anyone who cheats is a douche, according to me. And who cares about mythical creatures? You know who does care? NERDS, that’s who (haha, that made me giggle). Haven’t you seen Daniel Tosh in action? The guy is tall, scrawny, (was) balding until he got plugs, and makes jokes about youtube videos for a job and the girls LOOOOVVVVVE him. Like, throw their panties at him, love. Just saying. You’re onto something with the watermelon-in-the-face videos…

    • My ex made me sit through Love Actually…all I remember is Hugh Grant dancing around a room. But if something works for Colin Firth, it must be good.

      No clue who Daniel Tosh is – I will YouTube him. Such a learning experience today. Zooey Deschanel has a band and some guy with hair plugs makes girls swoon. : )

      Haha – thanks for the ps part! Love it, although I’m sure the gal in question would quickly point out it wasn’t cheating since we were never officially a couple. And she would be right, so I suppose my lesson learned is that “friends with benefits” sucks and is not for me. Not that anyone needs to know that… (shaking my head in embarrassment). As always, good to hear from you, Cara!

      • You disappoint me. You have never watched Tosh.O? *shaking my head* It’s like you are not even human. This show is YOUR show. Watch!

        Oh, and the girl? Still a douche. Stop sticking up for the douches, you douche enabler.

  4. I’ve only recently subscribed to your blog – it’s fantastic. You hilarious! I really look forward to your posts waiting in my inbox. :DD
    Anyway, I completely agree with um, Cara’s ‘P.s.’ part of her comment. You’re questioning how you could ever compete with someone who knows way to much about mythical creatures? That Amazing Race thing with the watermelon to the face was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life! People that have in depth conversations about mythical creatures- especially over Facebook because that cancels out the possibility it was just a really random conversation, are massive geeks. And definitely, definitely, definitely not the lovable kind! And people that cheat are dicks. Just saying. Haa.

    • Lol Samantha. I’m glad to know you enjoyed the Amazing Race watermelon incident as much as I did. Isn’t geek in now? I thought geek was the new thing.

      Your compliments are wonderfully nice! Love ya love ya love ya. :)

  5. I love the way you connect scenarios and come up with an amazing story. Whenever I am reading your post, it doesn’t feel like reading, it’s like we are having a conversation. About the heartache, it’s hard to say anything, except,’ would a hug make you feel better for now?’ rest time will take care.

    • Yeah, you know a hug would be nice. My friends aren’t into that, and my students prefer kicking and punching me.

      You’re too nice! I dunno…I try to be accessible. Glad someone thinks I’m doing okay. : )

      • As far as your writing is concerned, you are doing more than okay, you are doing great!!
        Looking at your fan following, you would know that by now… heart breaks take lil longer to heal then bumps in the head or a scratch on the knee. But I hope my friend, you learn with each fall that you are worth so much more than wasting your emotions away on someone who won’t stick around. Take your time, you will heal and till then remember, we are here to hug you, till you won’t throw us out. ;)

  6. Exodus

    i’m with you on the not-be-able-to-plan-lessons-in-the-designating-planning-time issue. i do plan lessons. just cannot do it when i’m expected to do it.

    and hey, i’m sure you’ll find another girl who likes “YouTubing clips of people getting fruit projected at their faces” with you. ; )

    • I’m glad I’m not alone, Exodus. When I taught in the States, I was a teaching machine. Give me five minutes of downtime, you’d get five minutes of work out of me. I got in really early and stayed late. Here in Korea…totally different story. I think it’s just that the job is less demanding because no one has a clear definition of exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. So I just follow the books they give me and that seems to work fine. I dread going back to teaching in the US, though. There might be some bad workload culture shock going on.

      I blather. Always good to hear from ya, Exodus. : )

      • Exodus

        i used to plan very neatly when i first starting teaching. you have to see them, full with notes, arrows, highlights, etc. eventually, i become more… well… comfortable with my students and my lessons (some may say ‘lazier’ would be more precise). but i’m quite spontaneous and tend to come up with more exciting ideas for my lessons when not actually planning them. also i haven’t got any complaints so far. so i guess i’m still doing (al)right.

        good luck with your getting back to the States. if you ever consider teaching in another Asian country, know that you have a friend in HCMC. ; )

        p/s: you can either call me Dus (short for Exodus, online folks use this) or Lan (my real name). can i call you Bill?

      • Hey Lan,

        Yeah, I don’t plan to go back to the States any time soon. I was in Vietnam for a week last August and I thought the country was absolutely beautiful. I didn’t have the time to do both the North and the South, so I stuck to Hanoi and the surrounding areas. I hope to eventually go back and take a few weeks to do HCMC, as well as Cambodia and Laos. That’s sort of a vague future plan. Anyways, I thought the people in Vietnam were amazing – kind, interesting, and very smart.

        Of course you can call me Bill! And I agree and relate with/to everything you said about teaching. : )

  7. I’m new to your…um…topiclessness, but I see now that it is hilarious! I’m not glad that that gal cheated on you or whatever, but then again it isn’t the worst thing that could have happened right?
    I totally get you not being able to plan in the “planning time”, rest assured, you are not alone : )

    • Yo! Thanks for the kind words, my friend. Always love the compliments.

      Yeah, I’m a such a baby. I feel silly whining about how my super hot friends-with-benefits (who was ten years younger than me, by the way) (23/33) messed around a lot. I just wish it wasn’t with my friends, you know? But there I go complaining again. As I said in a different reply, it was a learning experience, and I learned that I get too attached to do the whole casual thing. Shit, I don’t even like to dress casual.

      That’s a joke. All I do is dress casual. : )

      Anyways, I digress yet again. Thanks again for the compliment and for taking the time to comment, Hamza!

  8. This was a really nice post. It’s nice when people are open about feeling hurt, because hey! We’ve all gone there (I was recently dating a guy and he ceased all contact with me (No literally, just nothing one day) and then I found out he had gotten back with his ex…)

    More importantly, we can all play the “who is better” game, but why can’t you make yourself the winner? You DO have a successful blog after all, and if memory serves me right, Persephone is a lady who marries the king of the underworld or some such and hates life…

    And honestly, who wants to date someone who talks about that stuff on facebook? Particularly when they can watch hilarious YouTube clips instead :)

    • Thanks Set In Motion. That sucks about your past guy – what a jerk! At least you can kind of gather that he felt ashamed, which was probably why he couldn’t end things properly. And I’ve seen that exgirlfriend and she can’t hold a candle to you. She’s a miserable person and she has a muffin top. Haha – I dunno. Your positive attitude is inspiring. : )

  9. You had me laughing obnoxiously loudly in the prep room while I should have been lesson planning. Your “moment when you take your clothes out of the washer only to realize there were some Kleenex in your jeans pocket and everything is covered in torn bits of white tissue” analogy is my favorite. I will probably find some way to integrate the line into conversation at the next social event I attend, except the delivery will not be as well-crafted. Still, it will probably get more laughs than my usual jokes about AIDS and dingleberries.

    • Haha – thanks! I liked that line as well. However, I should try to incorporate dingelberries more. Class the place up a bit!

      I just checked you and clicked the ‘follow’ thing – good work over there! : )

  10. Damn that Youtube! The ultimate time-waster. I pull the whole “quickly-minimize-then-grab-a-book-and squint-intently” thing whenever my husband walks in and I’m in the middle of watching bloopers from movies I’ve never even seen. C’mon, they’re hilarious!
    Sorry about your crappy friend/psuedo-relationship deal. Great reading material for the rest of us, though! ;)

  11. jishifruit

    On a completely unrelated note, where are you originally from? I stalked some of your post and thought you’re Korean but .. now I’m confused. LOL

    Great post by the way, though how could you not know Persephone?! She’s the daughter of the goddess Ceres, kidnapped by Hades to be made his wife and Queen of the Underworld. Oh.I see what you did there. Haha.

    Don’t worry about that girl, and your friend. Karma’s digital now. Yeah, that fast ;)

    • Haha – This blog post has turned into a super educational experience. I now know Daniel Tosh, She and Him, and Persephone. And I have shared…watermelons.

      I’m American, Jishi! Sorry to disappoint. I was born and raised in Rochester, NY, and moved to South Korea in September of 2010. I will be here in Seoul until at least September 2012…then we’ll see what happens.

      “Karma’s digital” – great line! Later Jishi! :)

      • jishifruit

        Lol, No disappointments. Thanks for clearing that up :) Good luck with the gorgeous PC Room teacher ;) Let’s indeed hope there’ll be more absent students. haha. Why did you move to Seoul?! :D

      • Haha – PC Room teacher…that’s not going anywhere! Unless ignoring is a good sign. Then she really, really likes me!

        Well, I initially came here just for a 2 month summer job in between school years in the US. Then after I went back to the US I felt like I was missing something important – which would be traveling and seeing the world – so since I already had experience and connections here, I came back full time. Don’t regret it a bit! :D

  12. Awww you’re such a nice person! And guess what? There’s a lot to say for guys who can wax poetic about Persephone or whatever, but in the long run their doucheyness will avail. Exploding watermelons and the appreciation of irrate monkeys is what real relationships are built on. Plus, they translate well to PC teachers.

  13. Baker Bettie

    I started laughing just after reading the title to your post. Someone who can make a whole post about the thoughts they had in a 10 minute span is obviously hilarious and witty.

    Facebook can be evil. I decided a long time ago that if someone did not bring any kind of mutual respect in our “friendship” or acquaintance then we didn’t need to be facebook friends. If it’s hard to see their posts I either hide them so they don’t show up in my feed or I de-friend them. I don’t mean it to be in a spiteful way. I just think facebook is meant to bring us joy. Just like seeing funny video posts by people like you.

    Anyway, I would much rather watch funny youtube videos with a friend than talk about mythical creatures. LAME.

    • Haha. Right on, Bettie. Yeah, I defriend people too (although I stick by my asinine rule of sending a ‘here is why I am defriending you’ message any time I do it), but that stupid “stalker box” sucks! We have too many mutual friends and the stalker box shows me all the interactions and stuff. Really, I need to just calm down and move on. Life is too short to get caught up in the Facebook stalker box.

      Good to hear from you! Now go bake something!

  14. eyeLaugh

    I like your comparison of the guy talking about greek myths and you watching watermelon face bombs. That’s the way life is, and you’ll find someone who also prefers watching people get injured instead of philosophical discussions – like me and boyfriend! you gave me a great idea for a new comic thanks!

    • Awesome! Glad this silly post gave you a good idea. : )

      Not so good with Greek myths. Greek food is pretty good though…love me some moussaka. That, um, doesn’t have much to do with anything. Just a random fact in case anyone was curious. I do enjoy moussaka.

      Okay, I’m gonna go shower now…

  15. In a few days I will have earned three degrees and I still find great pleasure in YouTube-ing phrases like, “cockney English,” and “singers falling off the stage.” As for Facebook, I’m not about to go into deep conversations about the queen of the underworld. I would much rather see her hit in the face with a monkey. Oooohh! I went there! Monkey-to-the-face!!!

    But enough about me. You’ll get along without her; I PROMISE. If you don’t, well, there’s no hope for any of the broken-hearted. All we can really do is hope, right? What am I saying… soju it is. I’ll kill that bastard ex of mine and that girl you were emotionally invested in and your ex-wife and who ever gets in the way! (disclaimer: I am neither planning nor do I intend on killing anyone at this time or in the future.)

    have a nice day :D

  16. Is it creepy that I was able to track down that Facebook thread in like two minutes?

    (Sidebar: as I was having a simultaneous conversation with said girl about Alice as Persephone on the same day, I was really, REALLY confused by this post until I figured it out.)

  17. “I kept picturing Jesus on the Mayflower or eating corn with Indians.”

    Well, that’s about the best thing I’ve read in a while.

    Don’t hassle yourself – I could never abide anyone who didn’t enjoy a sweet youtube clip (I actually joke that I have an MA in both PoliSci and Youtube, what with how often I was on the site while writing my thesis) – plus that video is funny as hell.

    The other night my husband and I actually had a really heated discussion over the similarities/differences between Alice in Wonderland and Resident Evil. Sometimes I can’t help but think it’s a good thing us two weirdos found each other because it seriously takes all kinds in this bonkers world we call home.

    • Alice in Wonderland/Resident Evil – that’s pretty good. I don’t know enough about Resident Evil to be of much use, but I’m intrigued nonetheless.

      Hope you’re living the dream, Ethel! Take care. : )

  18. Anna

    This post made me smile! Amazing that you can go from sad thoughts (cheater douchette and the lamest friend ever) to dreamy happy romantic thoughts :) we all have our ups and downs and you have them in brief 10 minutes

    And even though I personally really like Eleusinian myths I also really enjoy a good watermelon-in-face action ;)
    You should try reading some of those myths, I think you’d enjoy them – and they sound fancy mentioning in a conversation if someone use the stalker-function on you on facebook ;)

    • Thanks! That was sort of the idea – to go through the minor mood swings that happen over a short period of time. I like the way you put it better, though, Anna. : )

      I really should! I’m gonna go to an English bookstore this weekend. I need to read something that’s in book form. I can even carry the book around…or put a picture of me and the book up on Facebook. Genius!

      Take care Anna!

  19. shreejacob

    Here’s the thing…watermelon in face is a lot more entertaining that unspellable names of Greek gods and goddesses and their many offsprings…and you are being true to yourself..which is always better than acting like a smarty pants on Facebook anyways ;)

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